Toxic friends are like shadows: always near you at your brightest moments, but nowhere to be seen at your darkest hour. True friends are like stars, you don’t always see them but they are always there.”
Before I get to the actual post, I need to readdress self-worth. Often times the lack of recognizing your own self with love is what makes us continue to have toxic relationships. Always remember that when it comes to your own life, health, emotions…it is NOT selfish to surround yourself with people who make you happy. If this means cutting off a toxic friend, so be it. If this means more loneliness, then so be it. Because throughout our teen years toxic friends will come and go, but throughout life there is only one thing we are stuck with-ourselves.
Throughout most of my childhood, I encountered experiences with toxic friends. Reflecting on the moments I had with these people today only makes me sad. Not because of the harsh jokes they made, the indirect bullying, the cyberbullying, or the comments behind my back. But because I didn’t have enough self-worth to walk away. In my head I justified everything that was happening to me because I thought I deserved it. I made excuses for myself, telling myself I was an easy target. These so called “friends” picked on my weight, body image, sports choice, what I wore to school, my curly hair, and my race. They told me I was “psycho” or that I was mentally unstable because of my comedic personality. Even if their intentions weren’t meant to make me feel bad, the insecurities are still fresh in my mind today.
That was just elementary and middle school. I’m still making my way through high school, yet I feel like I have learned the most. If you steer clear of people’s judgements, expectations, or pre-conceptions about you, and simply focus on surrounding yourself with the people who make you the happiest-life is good, really good. Trust me, there was a time in my life when I hopped from friend group to friend group desperate to fit in. Lets just say this did not work out for me. (lol) Staying true to yourself attracts the right people more than anything. While I know this is hard to take in as a teen because thats what every adult has told you throughout every year of your life…listen to me.
Toxic friends shouldn’t make you cry. They should be the shoulder you cry on for support. Toxic friends shouldn’t be bringing you down with indirectly put hurtful jokes. They should be hyping you up and help you grow. Toxic friends shouldn’t act different around you in public. They should be right by your side, making tiktoks or acting goofy just for the hell of it. Toxic friends shouldn’t make you feel like you are worthless. They should do anything to make you understand how beautiful, strong, and amazing you are. Toxic friends shouldn’t ditch you or not invite you to places when they can. Toxic friends should be honest with you and make sure you are coming because they love having you around. TOXIC FRIENDS SHOULDN’T MAKE YOU FEEL UNLOVED. THEY SHOULD MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THEY LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
The paragraph above really resonates with me because my definition of a friend or best friend really correlates with that. It’s okay to disagree with me based on your idea of what a friend is but don’t worry-we are all in this together.
But anyways those are my personal comments on toxic friends… here some signs (only take this to heart if you think you have a toxic friend) that may tell you, you have a toxic friend.
1. It’s all about them: what they want, they feel, they need{your giving more than your getting}
A friendship should be equal from both sides. One listens the other talks. Then the other talks and the other listens. Having a friendship completely about the one friend’s issues can make someone feel drained, especially when they wouldn’t be there to support you if the tables were switched. Again-know your worth and step back. You can support them, be there for them at their darkest hour-literally walk in circles with them (I speak from personal experience)- cry with them and they can still turn their head to you the next day. KNOW YOUR WORTH.
2. You don’t like the version of yourself when you are around them
Surrounding yourself with that person can also mean a different side of you peaks out. Perhaps they influence to be more like themselves and over time that is what happens. If you are feeling like this alter ego comes out when you are around them I highly recommend to take a step back. No literally… take a step back look at yourself in the mirror for like 30-40 seconds. Notice the way you would answer certain questions. Notice the things you like to say. Put yourself first!
3. You feel used, you make excuses for them, you know they talk sH*T behind your back
This segment covers a lot of signs but they all are similar to the first one “You feel used”. Using somebody is never okay. If you are just planning on leaving somebody’s life then why step into it in the first place.
If you are feeling used, learn how to say “No.” Because, I know what it’s like to keep saying “Yes” and then regretting it later on. For the last time (I promise this is the last time)–> please know your worth. You are not your lower than your friend. Please do not let them step all over you and you still continue to be friends with them.
As our journey with friends continues I know there is still a lot of growth, love, and probably ups and downs to come. This topic is never truly complete, but if you are an honest teenager in need of someone to talk to, leave me a message!
Peace & Good Vibes,
Maya Gite
takemetocloud9.blog 